The Royal Mail announced plans yesterday to revive the ancient practice of pigeon post in an effort to bring back what they’re calling “authentic and organic communication.” The move has left the digital world ruffled and animal rights activists crying fowl.
The plan involves training a fleet of specially selected carrier pigeons, equipped with tiny, lightweight backpacks designed to carry up to three letters at a time. These avian mail carriers, acquired from an anonymous yet highly reputable pigeon fancier in Skegness, will be responsible for delivering correspondences across the United Kingdom.
“We believe in reviving the long-lost art of personal communication,”
commented Nigel Featherington, the newly appointed Director of Avian Operations at the Royal Mail. “The modern world is swamped with impersonal digital messages. We want to rekindle the sense of excitement that comes with receiving a tangible, handwritten letter.”
Featherington, a former bird watcher turned avian communications expert, has been championing the project with unflappable enthusiasm. “These are elite pigeons, born and bred for this purpose. They’re the SAS of the bird world. Their navigation skills are superior, and they can cover vast distances at impressive speed.”
However, the innovative venture has been met with considerable backlash from animal rights group PETA. They accuse the Royal Mail of exploiting pigeons for commercial purposes, calling the plan a blatant display of “animal labour abuse.”
“Pigeons are sentient beings, not a resource to be used and discarded,” stated a PETA spokesperson. “It’s 2023, not the Middle Ages. These birds should be soaring freely, not burdened with delivering our mail.”
Featherington, however, staunchly rebuffs these claims, insisting that all the Royal Mail’s pigeons are “volunteers.”
“These are not just any pigeons,” he elaborated in a recent press conference. “These are highly trained, enthusiastic birds who love to fly and deliver. It’s in their genes, it’s what they do. We ensure their well-being and safety above all else.”
As news of the plan spread, social media users and commenters have been aflutter with mixed reactions. Some traditionalists are cooing in delight at the charmingly antiquated concept, while others — particularly tech enthusiasts and animal rights advocates — view it as a troubling step backwards.
The Royal Mail’s foray into such a unique venture will certainly ruffle some feathers in the postal world, as it walks a thin line between innovation and novelty. The success or failure of this audacious plan will only be revealed in time. But one thing’s for certain: if it flies, receiving a pigeon post in today’s digital age would certainly give a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘You’ve got mail’!
